I Am In An Age Identity Crisis And IT Is Not Helping Me Out

WOOHOOO! Who needs a red Ferrarri anyway! Yeah baby! (therapists, write me for an appointment)
WOOHOOO! Who needs a red Ferrarri anyway! Yeah baby! (therapists, write me for an appointment)

Welcome to the 21st century for the 30-something-going-to-40 kind of person. The world has changed, I seem to be part of it, and it makes me feel old. On one side I want to be found old, because that means that I reach a younger audience, on the other side I hear most of you going ‘dude, I have been there!’. Welcome to the modern-day mid-life crisis.

Well, I am not there yet. I don’t have a sports car, but drive for a couple of years my trustworthy old-man’s Town Car. And I don’t have a young blonde sitting next to me. First of all, there is no way that you pick up a gorgeous young blonde driving a Town Car, second of all, I actually don’t feel like that.

I think I should describe it as having a crisis with my mid-life crisis. What do I mean by that? Well, I can perfectly well understand that in earlier days, the ways to feel young again is doing the things you wanted to do when you were younger. And which you couldn’t do back then. Like buying a car and having a younger girlfriend.

I was a computer nerd from the first generation. My passion at the time was not a car; it was my pimped-up DX-2. My girlfriends at that time were all pixelated digital personalities. FMV? Forget it! I mean 256-color 320×200 gorgeous VGA. Megapixel-Schmegapixel!

Now that that time is gladly shrouded in a shadowy past, and I have – I think – managed to come out of that pretty nicely. Lovely family, nice big dwelling, and actually the feeling that I am pretty content. But I do notice that there is that feeling that all of you around-my-age-or-older-gents have gotten to know; the I-am-getting-old feeling. Not yet 40, but aging close up to it.

But my desires from being younger were always IT, gaming, and I have started to pick it up again. I have started to upgrade computers again, having no issues getting the screwdriver and making things work by opening up, fiddling around not really knowing what I am doing, and PRESTO! Having it work again (or fry it hopelessly). And then when it is all tuned up, I develop, game, or whatever it is. Which is all fine! I grew up, and have these times take over when the family is asleep, and there the 18-year old kid is unleashed again. The boy and his ‘rig’. Still stuffed with the same stuff as back then; only have to admit that the photos have become less pixelated over time.

But that is it. I am pretty content then. Were you making a big statement to yourself by buying a car and having a younger girlfriend ( I am still a young guy!) and a statement to the world that you are actually getting old. Right now, there is not really a statement. And I feel somewhere in my genes I should do something stupid, but my hardcoded stupidity was my computer when I was younger. And it is a computer right now. A black static box with vans in there making me doing things that are not really there.

I am in an identity crisis over my mid-life crisis, and I am actually not even sure if that is bad or not.

Sigh.

I need therapy (there must be an app for that!)

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